


The Coffee God

by dragonwrangler



Category: Men in Black (1997), Torchwood
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-14
Updated: 2009-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-02 19:17:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonwrangler/pseuds/dragonwrangler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto's been kidnapped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Coffee God

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Бог кофе](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7563826) by [Rainy_Elliot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainy_Elliot/pseuds/Rainy_Elliot)



> Disclaimer- Torchwood is the property of the BBC. Men in Black is the property of Columbia Pictures Industries, Inc. No profit is being made off this fanfic.

“What do you mean, he’s not there?” Jack stared at the Rift manipulator as Owen made an exasperated sound over the link.

“I mean exactly that." Jack could hear him moving around. “He’s not in his apartment. Doesn’t look like anything’s been stolen or moved, though.”

“Start checking the neighborhood.”

“Will do.”

Jack switched off the link and glanced at Toshiko as she stepped into the work area. She shook her head. “He’s not in the archives,” she said softly.

There was a sudden shout from Gwen. “Oh my God!”

Jack ran to her side, braced for the worst. She was staring into the kitchen alcove. “Gwen?” he asked.

She pointed, her eyes wide. “The coffee machine is gone!”

Jack stared at her. “Thanks for the heart attack, Gwen.”

“What?” She blinked at him, and then had the decency to look embarrassed. “Oh. Sorry Jack.” Before she could say anything else, Jack’s cell phone rang. He dug it out of his pocket and flipped it open.

“Hello?”

“You got a guy named Jones working for you?” a no nonsense voice said.

Startled, Jack asked, “K?”

“Wiz with coffee is he?”

“Yeah, that‘s Ianto. You know where he is?”

“The worms kidnapped him.”

“The worms.”

“Yep. They’ve got him locked in the kitchen here at headquarters making coffee for their Emperor. Unfortunately, the little buggers got their hands on a Kegorian lock and we can’t get him out without blowing up half of Manhattan.”

A chuckle slipped out of Jack. “He got kidnapped by worms.”

“Yep. Thought you might want a heads up on that.”

“Thanks. How long do you think they’ll keep him?”

“Emperor is due to leave tomorrow. You should have him back by the end of the day.”

Jack glanced at Gwen. “Could you make sure they hand over the coffee machine too?”

“Getting a coffee machine away from a bunch of over-caffeinated worms. Don’t think that’s possible, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thanks K.”

“No problem.”

* * *

Owen stared at Ianto. “Worms.”

“Yep.”

Owen looked down at the four aliens in front of Ianto that were bowing and chanting, “We’re not worthy, we’re not worthy!” He looked back at Ianto.

“Apparently,” Ianto said, “I’m their god.” He handed Owen a cup of coffee.

Owen shook his head and walked away as he took a sip of his coffee. Ianto, the god of coffee. What the hell, it made as much sense as anything else did in this place.

As long as Ianto didn’t expect him to get down on his knees and chant for his morning coffee, everything would be just fine.


End file.
